her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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