I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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