You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's never too late to be topless.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
