In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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