I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i've created a new STD.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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