Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore