Just fell off a train. Bad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low