new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed