i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.