i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
