i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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