I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
