he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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