The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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