I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
