I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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