So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
