thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
