I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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