I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
