I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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