1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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