Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
