you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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