Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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