conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
