I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
dude. I can hear the air.
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