The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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