I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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