i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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