He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
