i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
