But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
