Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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