Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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