my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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