mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
