I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.