My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.