Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.