Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im part way to drunk.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
