Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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