Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
