I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
