Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When are your genitals available?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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