i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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