I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
