Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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