I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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