i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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