Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
