Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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