She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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