How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
