Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
