new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
