This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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