You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
