everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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