I have demons in me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
